I wanted to talk today about a serious problem I have. As serious as herpes on a promiscuous celebutante.....
Fork gnomes.
I have fork gnomes in my house. I don't know how it happened, and I don't know when it happened, but they are there...stealing my forks...one by one. I buy a pack of forks (at least eight) and within a few months they're gone. We have started buying plastic forks for now. They seem safe from the fork gnomes, though are more prone to breakage, but now our spoons seem to be disappearing as well.
It got me thinking about what kind of lives these fork stealing beings must have. So here it is:
A Day in the Life of a Fork Gnome.
Each morning the fork gnomes awake in their country of Forknovia to the Forknovian national anthem (the sound of forks on a chalkboard). The fork gnomes then put on the national hat (fork shaped of course) and head to the fork mines (my kitchen). Every day they toil under the harsh florescent lighting gathering the much-needed export of Forknovia. All the while the emperor of Forknovia (he's named Carl) sits in meetings with various cutlery companies to buy the countries wares.
It is a harsh and unforgiving life in Forknovia, but on the whole (ha, ha, on the whole) its citizens are a happy bunch. Every year they have the 'Running of the Forks' festival, and every winter Father Fourchette comes and gives all the good little boys and girls presents (bad children get sporks).
So there you go. Fork gnomes, man, I hate those chipper little bastards.On a serious note:
My friend Ashleigh is leaving for Africa (Peace Corps) in less than a week. She is leaving for two years (which feels like forever). She is one of the most kind, thoughtful, helpful, and all around wonderful people I have ever met. Though, I am sad she is going (because we are all gonna miss her), I know she will do absolutely extraordinary things over there.
So here's to you Ashleigh.
Have fun changing the world, and we'll be here, waiting for you to get back.
Check out her blog here
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