King Tut's missing mummy member

I came across an article yesterday that said that King Tutankhamen's penis is missing.

Seriously.

I'm not even making this up (by the way, I linked the article because typing any form of 'mummy penis' into a search engine is a bad idea).

Apparently, the missing member was attached after the first unwrapping in 1922, and was thought to be missing in 1968 (but later found in the sand around his body), but apparently now the junk is gone.



Some archeologists claim that the penis was detached because it may have been small, or underdeveloped (due to Antley-Bixler syndrome), and removing it saved the boy king postmortem embarrassment. I think they may just be projecting their own inadequacies. I mean, can you imagine that conversation?

"Hey Jenkins, King Tut's penis is missing."

Jenkins looks down at his own pants "Tiny..."

"Yes, maybe it was small. Maybe that's why it was removed from the mummy."

"Yes......the mummy...That's what I'm talking about."

Other archeologists disagree, but still, the theory is out there.

Poor King Tut, if you follow the Egyptian view of the dead, he is wandering around the afterlife penis-less and confused, and now in the real world every one is talking about how tiny his proverbial Pharaoh's staff could have been.

I wonder how everyone else is missing the big picture. I mean guys have tiny dicks all the time.

What is the bigger issue here you may ask.....Where's the beef? I mean his personal pyramid is missing.  Is someone on the penis patrol (again, do not search that term)? Or is there a mummified penis being sold in some seedy Egyptian bazaar? Or even worse, is it being used like some kind of twisted monkey's paw?

Either way, I hope they find it. Both to assuage the tiny man-bit fears, and to give the poor guy back his junk.

That is all folks; I literally can't type another euphemism for male genitalia without it getting freaky up in here.

Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.

I lied.