Cycle of Doom!!

As most of you know, I have severe anxiety...uh...issues stemming from some stuff that happened about 5 years ago, and some more stuff that happened while I was a kid. I would like to take some time today to discuss my anxiety, in a humorous way of course, as a cathartic exercise.

Recently my anxiety has been a little cyclical, and looks something like this:



Let's break it down, shall we:

Things that cause Megan anxiety:

Crowds,

Clowns,

Public speaking,

Non-public speaking,

Spiders,

Any other insect/arachnid (with the exception of rolly-pollies and ladybugs),

Feeling guilty,

Yelling,

Loud noises,

Global Warming,

Global Cooling,

Bills,

Money,

Things not being in straight lines, or being out of order,

So yeah, I am pretty much anxious all the time. Unless I find a way to get fabulously wealthy and surround myself with puppies and kittens (and a cleaning staff for said puppies and kittens), I am going to stay anxious too.

Panic Attacks:

In all seriousness, something causes me to have a panic attack at least once a day (usually more). Panic attacks are awful. I feel like I am dying and there is nothing I can do about it. My chest gets tight, I can't breathe, my heart races. The worst part is most times I am so freaked out I forget to do the breathing exercises I am supposed to do. I have only passed out like once or twice. On a good note, if I do pass out, it returns my breathing to normal.

The Shame:

Aaahh, the shame. I am ashamed by my own ability, or more accurately lack of ability, to control my panic attacks. I am embarrassed that I have to turn down stuff that I used to love, and the fact that I have to plan my whole life around my panicky-ness.

The Guilt:

I feel guilty pretty much all the time. I feel guilty that I am not able to work in a public job, that Brad, and the rest of my friends, have to deal with me, I feel guilty that I am not pulling in any money, I feel like I should be able to handle things (even thought I can't).

So there you go. Now I don't want you all to think that my life is all bad, because it's not. There are just some things that I am working on changing.

Tomorrow, a happy subject. See you then peoples!