Why is This Okay?

I think I need to stop reading the news. At least I need to stop reading up on the state of women's issues today. It's not that I don't care, because I do. I care so frigging much that it causes me physical pain sometimes, but I think I need to stop.

Today I came across a link at the bottom of The Mary Sue (awesome site btw, read it) that led to a story on The Jane Dough. What was this article you ask?

It was about Lee Aronsohn saying this:

“Enough ladies. I get it. You have periods… But we’re approaching peak vagina on television, the point of labia saturation.” The current female T.V. boom contrasts with “Two and a Half Men” portraying women as bimbos, something Aronsohn isn’t about to apologize for. “Screw it… we’re centering the show on two very damaged men. What makes men damaged? Sorry, it’s women. I never got my heart broken by a man.”

This is after last few months of Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a "slut," Oklahoma starting down the road to passing a horrible bill, and the male dominated discussion of women and birth control.

One question keeps circling around in my mind: When did this become okay?

I thought there was a huge women's rights movement in the 1970's (and before that in the 1920's). I thought we were making strides. I guess I was wrong.

Before you say "Oh, they were making jokes. Have a sense of humor, gosh." I want you to do something for me. I want you to take this quote:

 "What makes men damaged? Sorry, it’s women.”

Remove the word women and replace it with any other group of people (try African-Americans, gays, or Jewish people just for a few). See how not okay that is?

So why is it okay to say things like that about women?

The simple answer is that it's not.

But when someone points out the wrongness of this the knee jerk reaction is 'get a sense of humor,' or 'stop being so PC about everything,' or (one I particularly hate) 'stop being such a bitch about it.'

Let me tell you something, I have a sense of humor. I am funnier than farts, prat falls, and dogs in hats put together (and humble too), but these 'jokes' aren't funny. At their best they show a lack of education about social issues, and at worst a blatant disregard for half the population. They are insidious, and have a whole culture on the internet (see the make me a sandwich meme).

Slight tangent, I can somewhat understand where it comes from on the internet (not that it makes it any more okay). It is easy when you are some faceless person on a computer to say inflammatory and degrading things, because who's going to call you on it? /Tangent

As for the whole PC thing, it's a cop out. All of the justifications are. They are ways from distracting from the fact that someone said something wrong, something offensive. If you can make the fact that some one was offended by something demeaning their fault you wont feel guilty, and that is a heck of a lot easier than changing the way you think or act.

One last thing. Before anyone accuses me of any liberal bias, let me point out that this is never okay from any part of the political spectrum. It was not okay when Bill Maher called Sarah Palin the C word just like it's not okay when Limbaugh called Fluke a slut. It's never okay, period.

So I want to know why this is not treated like a bigger issue. I want to know why no one is talking about stuff like this outside of a few feminist blogs.

Do we really live in a society now where we pat ourselves on the back for being the freest nation on Earth, but strip away the rights of women one by one? Do we want to live in a place where all women are good for is hurling insults at and making babies?

I don't, do you?

Period

*Special note: This post is about women and women's issues. If that would make you uncomfortable, you might want to stop reading now*

Brad and I were on the way back from Walmart to get tampons, and he asked me why I didn't want him to go by himself to get them (since my knee was in a lot of pain, and navigating the store added to it). I thought about it, and replied that I didn't want him to because most guys are embarrassed, and some even a little resentful, when asked by their girlfriend/wife/sister/mother to go get female products for them.


Brad, to his credit, does not give a flying flip about being seen in public with a box of tampons or pads. Most of the credit goes to his wonderful mother, who raised my husband to respect women. He is as close to a feminist as you can get with out actually having a uterus, and I love him all the more for that.


It got me thinking though.

There is this pervasive attitude that once a month I should be ashamed of myself and my body, as should any other woman. It is not just me being sensitive either.  

 There is a running joke, that I have heard several times in my life that goes along the lines of " I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." Though the quote comes from South Park, which is a satire and therefore not to be taken seriously, I have heard the quote used in defamatory way. It is a clear example of the kind of thought process that surrounds a woman being on her period.

Let's look at what women are up against shall we:


 Some of this attitude comes from Christianity/Judaism.

Leviticus 20:18 

If a man lies with a woman during her menstrual period and uncovers her nakedness, he has made naked her fountain, and she has uncovered the fountain of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

Leviticus 15:19-30 

“When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening. And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean. And whoever touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. And whoever touches anything on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening.

 The Quran is less harsh, but still finds menstruating women impure:

"They will ask you about menstruation. Say, 'It is harmful, so keep away from women during it. Do not approach them until they are purified of it, when they are purified you may approach them as Allah has ordained." (Qur'an 2:222)

The message there is pretty clear. Once a month a woman is impure, and should be treated as such. Very few people still take these scriptures to the fullest extent (which would mean basically shunning a woman for a week out of every month), but the attitude of disdain still remains.
 
 Now consider that these religions make up the base of our culture in the United States (less so the Quran). Though we would like to think that our approach to moral standards have moved past the yoke of religion, especially in areas like politics, the latest election coverage shows this is not true. Religion still colors every bit of society even a little bit.


I am not blaming religion completely though.


Some of this attitude comes from wanting a place of power (or in this case wanting to keep a place of power). Think about much money is made off of the women's health industry. Think also of the easiest way to gain power over someone: make them think less of themselves. If you tell someone that there is something wrong with them for a week out of a month often enough they will start to believe it. Once they start to believe it, well then you have power over them.


What does that mean for women? 


It means a culture of shame surrounding menstruation. It means that most of the world still thinks that a bodily function is impure. It means tons of euphemisms like 'that time of the month,' 'feminine needs,' 'feminine products,' 'Aunt Flo,' and 'on the rag' to make sure no one's delicate sensibilities are offended.

This attitude of skirting around has even seeped into advertising. Think about the last commercial for pads or tampons you watched. It should have featured something like a woman wearing all white (white being a color of purity and cleanliness), because if you use their product no one can tell you are tainted. Some commercials also feature an absorbency test, but they never use red liquid. No, that would be too much like what is actually happening, instead they use a safe colored liquid (usually blue). 

Think about the message that sends: seeing a dead body on CSI is okay, but seeing blood colored liquid on a product made specifically for that reason is not. 

This attitude is not only saddening, it is also dangerous. 

When a subject becomes taboo it is all the harder to find education on it. I remember my sex education classes. Menstruation was only discussed in terms of having to use products once a month (with no information on the different types, styles or absorbences), and the important fact: once you started your period, you could get pregnant.


In terms of education there is also a myth that if you use tampons, it will make you loose, and will break your hymen (de-virginized by tampon). I wont even go into the discussion of the myth of the all important virginity. Instead, I will simply say that tampons are a great product, have saved many a pair of underwear, and are the option when you have a heavy period (other than wearing a diaper). Yes, there is a miniscule chance it can break your hymen, but not all women are born with hymens, and "strenuous activities, such as bicycle riding, horseback riding, stretching, or dancing, can also cause the hymen to break." (Go Ask Alice).

Instead of all of this discussion about tampons deflowering (a euphemism I hate by the way) women, why not educate about TSS (toxic shock syndrome). TSS is a legitimate medical concern, and unfortunately one that I had to learn about from the literature included in the tampons themselves. 


The worst part of this lack of education is the fear in going to a doctor, and misdiagnosis. This is less true if you go to a female doctor, but is still there. Many times serious conditions like PCOS or endometriosis can be misdiagnosed as just period pain, and many women are hesitant to go to the doctor because of the fact that anything to do with vaginal issues are sent to an OBGYN which is considered a specialist and costs more. 


Under the same token, we are told over and over that periods are supposed to be painful, so a lot of times it is assumed that extreme pain is part of the menstruation process. It's not. If you are experiencing painful periods to the point where it interferes in your everyday activities, you need to see a doctor.


So what can be done?

I am not saying that every woman should go out there and throw the fact that they are menstruating in everyone's face. That would be silly, and is tantamount to going around and telling everybody you have allergies (both something your body can't control), not because you should be ashamed, but instead because no one really cares. 

Instead what we need to do is realize that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Menstruation is a biological process, and biological processes can not make you impure (the thought of a women's purity is a ridiculous misogynistic myth anyways). 


Also take control of your health. Every woman knows her body, and knows what is normal and what isn't (despite the current politicians attitudes on the subject). If you feel something out side of your normal period symptoms, tell your doctor. Make him or her do tests. Don't let them write it off as PMS or just normal pain.


Finally, become an advocate for yourself and for women. This is the hardest one, but the one that has the most potential for real change. When a piece of anti-women law comes out (looking at you personhood bills) take action: start a petition, go to a rally, tell your family and friends, vote. Because, in the end, the only thing that will change attitudes is education.

Odds and Ends....

I have a ton of drafts saved up that would not make enough room for a full post. So I thought I would use them together today, so you can see just how random I am.

Odds and Ends

Hiccuping while pooping is counterproductive.


I sometimes wish that our dog, Maddie, had opposable thumbs so she could let herself out. Then I realize just how freaky that would look, and let her out myself.

Brad cut most of my hair off a few days ago. My head feels cooler which is nice, but I realize that the hair style I have now is very anime-ish, and I can't decide whether that is nice or not. Also my roots are showing, which is not nice, but I am pretty sure nobody cares about.

Brad and I have started reading Neverwhere, which is an amazing book. We are reading it out loud, and since it is set in London, I have been reading most of the Characters voices in an English accent. That fact coupled with how much English TV (like Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Father Ted) we watch means that I slip into an accent without meaning to. It also means that when we watch anything with British accents, I can't really tell they have an accent anymore, unless it is really pronounced.

From my new job, working at a text answering service, the belief that some people should not be allowed to breed has been highly reinforced. Sometimes I just want to send back the message of "Thank you for your question. To further assist you please send in the address of your current location. Upon receival the sterilization team will be at your location shortly."

Why is Sweden so darn good at pop music? Seriously its like all they are good at is Pop, Ikea, and chefs (lol, muppets yay!). It's like when kids grow up they are tested:
"Can you sing?"
"No"
"Well can you cook?"
"The last thing I cooked turned into an unidentifiable lump. I named it SKÄRPT."
"Ikea product designer it is."


I'm starting to worry that to make the Ferengi, the writers of Deep Space 9 looked at a list of all the worst Jewish stereotypes and were like "yep, that'll do." Also, the feminist in me is kind of mad at Keiko O'Brien. In one of the episodes she has lost her purpose, on Next Generation she worked as a botanist, working primarily in the arboretum. She was also the head of the biology lab. When they get to DS9, they don't need a botanist, so what does she do? She becomes a school marm. Really Keiko? Really?

Welp, That's all for now. See ya next time.


Oh and DT.......Spanish Flea!