Cats are Dicks

Let's face it... Cats, in general, are dicks.

Dogs may have an annoying constant need for attention (it is my firm belief that every dog bark conversation goes along the lines of "Hey! Hey! Look at me! Hey! I'm a DOOOOOG!"), but cats are just kinda douches on purpose.

That is not saying that I don't love my cats. I have 2: Ichi and Hime (pronounced 'E-chi' and 'Hey-get-offa-that'), and I am by far a cat person. For the most part, I don't particularly care for dogs. I make an exception for some (looking at you Tobin, Howie, Maddie, and Wicket), but in general I could take or leave them. It's something to do with the licking. Cats though, I tend get along with.

I noticed an increase in dickish behavior when we had to move our cats to our room. Ichi was not getting along with our roommates dog Howie. She for some reason thought she was some sort of kitty bad ass, and would win a fight, even though Howie could pretty much fit her entire body in his mouth. So we started keeping them in our room, and it has worked out pretty well so far, with the exception of two things.

The first thing is Hime when we try to go to sleep.

This is Hime.

Hime has decided that any part of the bed is hers. Not ours to share. Nope. Hers. That includes any body part that touches any part of 'her' bed. Why is this a problem? Because her favorite place to sleep is my or Brad's face.

It's not even that she wants to sleep close to us, no, it's that she has to 'check' before she lays down. By check I mean that she has to rub her whiskers in our face, or lick our eyeballs until we wake up. Once we do that, then she will deign to stick her butt in our face and lay down.

The other thing is Ichi's random neediness.

Ichi is a bundle of fluff and neurosis. She is not really a lap cat, and will only cuddle as long as you are petting her.

Unless I am in my computer chair.

Apparently this computer chair has some sort of magical psychotic cat attractant. It is usually only when I am trying to get something done, and usually goes something like this:

Me: *Typing away*

Ichi: *Distraction mode engaged*

Me: *Feels paw patting my leg and looks down*

-Insert suspenseful music from Jaws here-

Ichi: Hey, can I come in your lap? You're not busy or anything right?

Me: Well... actually I am trying to get some work done.

Ichi: Oh, hey, that's cool... Imma come up anyways.

Me: But internetz and writing and work!

Ichi: Nope. Now pet me bee-yotch.

Commence her jumping on my lap and me not being able to get any work done. If I put her down, the cycle starts again, but this time with *BONUS claw action,* so I usually take it as a sign that it is time for a break and pet her anyways. Until she realizes that I am paying absolutely all my attention to her and she jumps down, because her mission is now complete.

So those are my cats, and yeah they are pretty much dicks. I still love them though. I know they love me too, because what else do you call wanting to be so close to me that you sleep on my face blocking my airways or only want to cuddle when I can't, keeping me from working. That's what love is, right? Right?

Ninja Cat is Ninja-y

This is my cat Hime (it's short for Orihime, like the character from Bleach).



She is weird, I mean even for a cat (because all cats are a little bit bizarre), and so I thought that today I would share my miser....I mean her weird antics with you.

First off, she follows me into the bathroom. Our bathroom door doesn't close all the way if you just swing it shut; it looks like it is closed, but in reality you could push it open. Hime knows this, and for some reason thinks that whenever I have to, um, go, she needs to see what I am doing in there. She does this every single time I go to the bathroom. I can only imagine what her thought process is:

Hmmm, the big furless cat that gives me food is going into a secret room and shutting the door. She must be doing some mystical thing in there. I must find out what it is. She pushes open the door.  Oh, my, well that is not what I thought at all.

Hime is also a food ninja. I don't know why, we feed her enough that she has a little Buddha belly. Regardless she feels that any food left unattended for even a second (and some that is still very much attended) is hers. She doesn't just stand there eating it either. No, she takes it and runs like the hounds of Hell are after her.

Food Hime tries to steal on a regular basis:

Chips (any flavor)

Any meat (yep, anything, not just fish)

Broccoli

Lettuce

Ice Cream

Hot Dogs (they don't count as real meat)

Any sort of bones

Popcorn

A few of the above list I understand. Cats like meat, okay, I get it, but broccoli and potato chips? I mean, what the heck. Either everything I cook tastes frickin' magically delicious, or she is a big ol' freak. Neither of our other cats will eat broccoli, heck I have a hard enough time getting Brad to eat it.

Lastly Hime is a shoulder cat. I don't mean that anything is wrong with her shoulders (look honey, the cat sprouted wings again); I mean she loves riding around perched on people's shoulders. It's like she thinks she is a furry parrot. It would be fine, except she has claws like talons, and knows how to use them.

Also she is the only cat I know that gives hugs. Well, I don't know if they are exactly hugs. I get the feeling that if she had opposable thumbs, I wouldn't be here right now.

That's our Hime; ninja-shoulder-bathroom cat extraordinaire. We lover her, and I'm pretty sure she loves us too. I've got the scratches to prove it.