Man Stuff

Yesterday we went out to my parents house. They live in the country, well the country compared to where we live. My mom, step-dad, and all my step siblings were out there.I love going out there to hang out, but I also love watching how Brad and my step-dad (Marvin) interact.

Brad and Marvin are two very different people. Brad is nerdery to its finest. He loves movies and comics and video games. He loves rock music, and hates country music. He can kick booty in a game of Magic, or Halo, and still whip up a darn tasty batch of won-tons.

Marvin is almost like the anti-Brad. Doesn't really like movies, or TV; he only really watches the shows on hunting or random science shows (think Mythbusters). I've never known him to play a video game, he would much rather be chopping wood or sitting out on the porch. Marvin loves country, and while he can whip up a mean steak, I can't really picture him in a kitchen.

Somehow though, Brad and Marvin get along really well. I have a theory on why this happens: they both look at the other, and their interests, with a kind of bemusement. They both get the same look on their face sometimes, when the other says something. It is the 'I want to laugh, but am being polite' look.

The other reason that they get along so well, I think, is what I call Man Stuff. Man Stuff (it deserves capital letters) is stuff like building things, or hunting, or hitting things with a hammer.  Brad doesn't have many other manly testosterone filled men (no offense Dt, Kaz, etc. I love you, but you've never carved a canoe out of a tree. Marvin has done that) to talk too, so I think he kind of looks up to Marvin in that regard.



I mean, besides building a canoe, Marvin has built a workshop, ginormous chicken coup, tables and benches. He also hunts regularly, and cleans his own kills. Which used to freak me right the heck out when I lived with my mom. Nothing says 'Good Morning' like a deer carcass hanging outside.

I love the fact that Brad and Marvin can get along. It is darn near inspirational, that two guys, who are worlds apart, can get along so well. World leaders should try it sometime. Can you imagine Obama and Ahmadinejad building a bird house together? I can, and it is awesome.

Since today's post was a more serious than funny, I bring you...Today's Comic Relief:

Queen of Farts

Somehow I have become queen of a little place I call Fartopia.

Fartopia's ruler is not happy, because all day she is surrounded by farts. Her king farts. Her royal subjects all fart (which let me tell you, cat and dog farts are the worst!). Her friends fart. All day long she sits on her smelly throne, surrounded by the smell of gas, wishing the malodorous stink lines would go away from above her head.



I am starting to think I need to change everyone's diet, because the gas problem at my house is getting insane. I'm pretty sure that, any day now, we are going to be reported to ONG as having a leak.

Brad is pretty bad about it. Last night he cut one, and then walked from our den to the living room. The stink followed him into the next room. It was like a horrible, horrible scent trail wafting between the rooms. He blamed it on a duck. I told him that the duck must have died long ago to work up that level of stench.

Brad and DT have farting contests. At least, I think they may be contests. They may also be some sort of super secret testing of smell as an offensive (very offensive) weapon for the government. It has gotten so bad between the two of them that I have literally gagged and had to step outside. I am super surprised that neither of them has gotten methane poisoning (that's a real thing right?).

The cats are not much better. Hime in particular. She has mastered the art of the sneak attack. She comes and lays down on you, usually right on your chest, and then lets one rip. One time I caught her doing it, yelled at her (not very loud, mind you) and I swear to God she started purring at me. Like she did it on purpose to punish me for something. Ugh.

Maddie (our dog) is the master of the crop duster. She will walk by us, neat as you please, all innocent-like. Then, a few seconds later...WHAM... dog farts. If you have never smelled dog farts you should thank whatever deity you pray to profusely. Dog farts are the Cthulhu of the world of gaseous anomalies. They will drive you into madness, and out the other side. On a scale of one to ten, Maddie farts are a *Blargh* (a unit of measure that is more than a ten but less than a googolplex).

What about me (meaning me, Megan, not you, who ever you are), you may ask. Well, I am a girl. Girls don't fart. We pass gas like a gentle breeze, and it always smells of fresh flowers and baking cookies. True story.

All about DT

Early post today. Mainly because I have to work on making money tomorrow, but also because it was way to great to not get this story up. I want to seriously stress that this actually happened.

This happened to DT today at work.

Ahhh DT.

We love you so much, because only you can pull stuff like this, and, not only get not fired, but get the customer to laugh it off.

You are a wonder, but next Magic game, you are going down.

Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOVO!!!! We loves you bunches!

Adventures of ITWSSG #4

[caption id="attachment_183" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="(Photo from Tyson2u)"][/caption]

See you Monday everyone.

Tyson2u's photos here.

Magic: The Gathering....of weirdos

Late post today. Yard work and other obligations had to be done first. Speaking of yard work, I have a bur plant in my yard, and came back in with more burs than a girl wearing a bikini in the arctic. I have no idea where the stupid plant is, but it is now my mission to find it and take it down, Solid Snake style.

On to today's topic.

As I said in a previous post, Brad, a friend of ours named DT, and I have been playing a lot of Magic: The Gathering. We are all like 2 steps away from a serious addiction problem with it. I've started to notice though that it is a dirty, dirty game. Not in a sense of physical exertion, or cheating....well much (I'm lookin' at you Brad). It's just that several of the much used phrases, taken out of context, can be horribly dirty. Especially if you are as immature as we are.

Inevitably, and usually multiple times, during the night someone will say something and we will collapse into giggles (well, I giggle, the boys chuckle all manly like I suppose). A couple of weeks ago I started writing down the things that have been said, so that everyone who reads this can be just as immature as we are.

Things we have said, taken completely out of context:

Tap that

I forgot to tap that.

I wish I hadn't tapped that.

Tink me, Tink me hard.

Go ahead and tink me, you know you wanna.

I don't have a very happy hand. I have a sad hand.

You just got black blazed. (linked because I felt it may need some explanation)

Don't put your red deck in my box. You know it doesn't go there.

-Brad to DT: you have a huge deck.

Stop pulling stuff out of your a**.

Take it.

Yep, those things have come out of our faces at one time or another, and in the gaming context they are all completely innocent.

Wait....

No they're not.

Also Mom,

If you are reading this, I'm sorry my humor is still at a fifth grade level, but you have to admit....it's pretty funny though.....right?.....right??

Ninja Cat is Ninja-y

This is my cat Hime (it's short for Orihime, like the character from Bleach).



She is weird, I mean even for a cat (because all cats are a little bit bizarre), and so I thought that today I would share my miser....I mean her weird antics with you.

First off, she follows me into the bathroom. Our bathroom door doesn't close all the way if you just swing it shut; it looks like it is closed, but in reality you could push it open. Hime knows this, and for some reason thinks that whenever I have to, um, go, she needs to see what I am doing in there. She does this every single time I go to the bathroom. I can only imagine what her thought process is:

Hmmm, the big furless cat that gives me food is going into a secret room and shutting the door. She must be doing some mystical thing in there. I must find out what it is. She pushes open the door.  Oh, my, well that is not what I thought at all.

Hime is also a food ninja. I don't know why, we feed her enough that she has a little Buddha belly. Regardless she feels that any food left unattended for even a second (and some that is still very much attended) is hers. She doesn't just stand there eating it either. No, she takes it and runs like the hounds of Hell are after her.

Food Hime tries to steal on a regular basis:

Chips (any flavor)

Any meat (yep, anything, not just fish)

Broccoli

Lettuce

Ice Cream

Hot Dogs (they don't count as real meat)

Any sort of bones

Popcorn

A few of the above list I understand. Cats like meat, okay, I get it, but broccoli and potato chips? I mean, what the heck. Either everything I cook tastes frickin' magically delicious, or she is a big ol' freak. Neither of our other cats will eat broccoli, heck I have a hard enough time getting Brad to eat it.

Lastly Hime is a shoulder cat. I don't mean that anything is wrong with her shoulders (look honey, the cat sprouted wings again); I mean she loves riding around perched on people's shoulders. It's like she thinks she is a furry parrot. It would be fine, except she has claws like talons, and knows how to use them.

Also she is the only cat I know that gives hugs. Well, I don't know if they are exactly hugs. I get the feeling that if she had opposable thumbs, I wouldn't be here right now.

That's our Hime; ninja-shoulder-bathroom cat extraordinaire. We lover her, and I'm pretty sure she loves us too. I've got the scratches to prove it.

Totally Terrific Top-hat Tomfoolery!

Everything is better with top-hats and mustaches. As proof I bring you:

Things that are infinitely better with top-hats and mustaches:

(With thanks to DT, Kazallo, Ezekiel, and others (who I don't have permission to use her name yet) for the ideas!!)

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[caption id="attachment_155" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="(Gremlins are the Copyright of Warner Bros. Studios)"][/caption]

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So there you go! No more proof needed, right?

Enjoy your Wednesday everybody!!!